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After all, keeping things in a tight routine is how he stops himself from getting caught out and also how he fits you into his schedule. Choose someone you trust and who can be supportive but tell you that it’s time to quit. If you’ve been in relationships that have a habit of wearing down your self esteem and you want to understand your relationship patterns, or feel you need a little extra help to get you through this time, this is a great way of giving you support.
Failing that, tell a professional or even that coworker who has gently taken an interest in you or expressed concern. This protects you from knee-jerking into another situation that you may not recognise as being unsuitable and unavailable due to craving some sort of emotional replacement – there is no progress in ditching a married man for another emotionally unavailable man. Exploring the reasons that contributed to your desire to be in this relationship will also ensure that you ‘re able to gain a fresh perspective, heal and move forward.
It’s because it’s been all about him why you lasted so long with him in the first place. Yes I’m sure there were happy times, but you need to remember how you REALLY felt when you were with him.
If you were that happy, you wouldn’t be reading this and you wouldn’t be breaking up. The latter is how many readers have exited not just from affairs but also from abusive relationships. There is also no point in dating if it’s a way of passing time in the hope of filling in the gap until the married guy potentially becomes available. There is no quick fix and the right decision doesn’t always feel good initially. Weather the storm, cold turkey it out and let out the tears and frustration but don’t give in. Also check out the in the downloads section – the former will help you to identify and transform unhealthy beliefs and the latter will help you to explore your feelings and address current and old anger that may be affecting your decision to be in the affair or keeping you stuck in it. Address other areas of your life that have suffered whilst you were with him.The only time you should date is when you are truly ready to move on and Mr Married/Attached doesn’t figure any longer. No matter what you think, something or someone, or both, suffered while you focused your energies on your situation.“And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.” That’s a wonderful suggestion for getting on with your life: take a step back and let time and space flow between you and your lost love.
Below, I describe what it means to “let there be spaces in your togetherness.” Here are a few tips for healthy detachment…I originally wrote this article for people who are healing after a breakup, but then realized that detaching emotionally is important for people who are in relationships.